The adventures of 7 children's writers as they critique, support, and cheer each other on while fighting their way to the top of the slush pile.
Friday, February 12, 2010
First Page Friday, #1
Thanks to a brave soul, we have our inaugural batch of first pages up for critique!
It's all yours, folks. Let give some feedback.
“A GPS with the right directions would be helpful,” Nathan grumbled. The warehouse holding the supplies for his charity should be directly ahead, not the empty lot he found instead. Turning down the next street, identical graffiti-covered buildings stretched into the distance. He resisted the urge to pull over and re-configure the gadget his older sister Rachel insisted he take.
Nathan cringed as he drove through the narrow street littered with large dumpsters and homeless shelters. A group of men huddled close against the brisk wind, warming their half-mitted hands around a smoldering metal can, wisps of smoke billowing out around their shapes, casting their shadows wide against the buildings behind them. Nathan wished he had something to give them. If had found the warehouse, his van would be full of clothing he could hand out. He hated not being able to help. Just because God could turn a blind eye to those in need didn’t mean he would.
Nathan glanced at the clock on his dashboard. Five o’clock. Even if he did find the warehouse, it was likely closed. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, Nathan decided to head for home.
“Worthless piece of garbage,” he said, turning the GPS off while making a u-turn.
Dusk was starting to settle, stretching the shadows across the empty street. He half expected the street lights to come on, until he happened to glance up and realize why they stood dark. If any glass remained on the street lights, he couldn’t see it.
He stretched his stiff shoulders, not relishing the thought of the long drive home. He flexed his toes inside his dress shoes, wishing he’d worn his running shoes instead of being concerned about his appearance. He had promised Rachel earlier that he’d be at her house in time for dinner. With a two hour drive ahead, he’d be lucky if his sister didn’t feed his meal to the wild cats living in the mountains behind her house.
On his way out of the maze he lost himself in, a blood stained man staggered into the middle of the road, teetering back and forth as he tried to gain his footing. Nathan jammed his foot down hard on the brakes. He scrambled out of his vehicle, frantic to reach the man before he fell onto the road.
“Are you ok?”
The man toppled over, landing in Nathan’s outstretched arms. Nathan staggered back from the impact, the deadweight body sagging against his chest.
Catching his balance, he eased the unconscious form onto the cold road. Dry heaves racked Nathan’s body when he swiped at his forehead and saw the blood smeared all over his hand.